Grief

Going within, soothing the pain, taking cover, healing.  These are the descriptions for my withdrawal from the world in part yesterday, today and possibly for the weekend too.  Yesterday marked the fifth year since the passing of our oldest son.  Each year is different, there is no predictable feeling or response from within me on those days.  This year it was about pulling up my blanket and hiding from the world just a little bit and allowing the feelings to wash over me and be released as they came.  The mercy of going into retreat and being comforted by the simple things is not to be underestimated.  Some years walking has soothed the soul, others times it has been colouring, drawing or painting which he loved to do and other times have been standing on a wild coastal cliff releasing my emotions to nature.  Yes sometimes there is anger, sometimes there is feeling lost and bewildered, some times just peaceful reflection.  You can never tell which one will visit at this time of year but after the wave and the day has passed there is always the sunflowers and memories.